Passionately Random

Unfinished

2010-04-26T22:44:00.000-04:00

So it's been a while and while a lot has changed a lot has remained the same. There are certain things I cannot control that I'd like to but who doesn't? My mind is in a state of .....

As I walk in to the bedroom, I feel a sense of despair.

As I walk around deep in thought, my mind feels blank.

When I close my eyes, I smile.

When daylight arrives, I wish it were time.

A cold bed makes it feel even more empty.

A warm smile brightens my soul.

Music enlightens my heart.

Dancing raises my spirits.

A gray sky is filled with clouds of hope.

As the sun is awaiting to make a grand entrance.

I have no clue what it all means.

I stopped trying to figure things out long ago.

I am content with not knowing.

Knowing leads to hurt.

Velha Infância

Old Childhood

Liar, Liar

2010-01-03T15:22:00.000-05:00

Let's face it, we all lie! Does it really matter? I think it matters if the lie will end up hurting more in the end than the truth would have. I think it matters if you lie to yourself most of all. It matters when your lies become your truths and you can no longer tell them apart.

How many times a day do you lie? Who do you lie to the most? Think about it.

Web of Lies

Middle Finger

2009-12-30T12:50:00.002-05:00

I do not care about what you have to say. It's what you do when I decide to take heed. I cannot be bothered by your false promises. Take them and shove them up your ass. I am observing you closely - your ingenuity, hurt, lies, truths, betrayals, self-respect, dignity, tolerance, patience, self-control, arrogance, ability or inability to sacrifice, responsibilities, independence or lack of and ultimately your intentions. I am and will be judging you. I am and will be deciding whether you are worthy of my time and friendship. I hope that you will be doing the same as well. Evaluate. Take every moment to evaluate what you really want and dispose of the rest. There is no more room for wasted time and false relationships. There is no more energy for what you lack to offer. There is no more room for sugar coating. There is no more.

New Decade

2009-12-27T23:49:00.001-05:00

Wow! Another decade has passed. My 20's are almost over just like that! I was asked the other night about my whereabouts on New Year's Eve 1999 and I could not remember. I still cannot. As I reflect on December 31's of the past, the most enjoyable and memorable ones are the ones where I was at home cuddling with a loved one and enjoying the boob tube. What happened next I cannot speak of. Partying and being surrounded by friends and family is also nice. However, I never understood the purpose of getting wasted to the point of not remembering anything or feeling sick. I also never understood the purpose of paying $100-150 just to walk in to a place and party the night away to get drunk to point of oblivion. A note to all those that like to get drunk - if you can get drunk without disturbing others and still have a good time, more power to you! For all of the others, stop f*cking it up for the rest of us and stay home! Another thing, be responsible and DO NOT get behind the wheel! It pisses me off that innocent people - mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands, etc... - have to die because of drunk f*cktards!! For all those that "think" you drive better drunk, GO F*CK YOURSELVES! Ok, I am done with my public announcement on drunk f*cktards.

Moving on, I kind of forgot what I wanted to write because of the anger I feel for innocent lives being lost to drunk driving. Ah! I remember now. Another decade behind us. What have I accomplished? Hmmmm... Nothing of great value to me. So, I accomplished earning two degrees. So what? What have I really done to make a difference in this world? I'm still trying to figure this out. There has to be something I can do. I hope it doesn't take me another decade to figure it out. Some people feel great accomplishment if they earn big bucks, others if they finally have that family they've always wanted or the career they worked hard to obtain. Those things just don't get me all fired up. Sure, I'd like to have enough money to live comfortably and not worry but I am a pretty humble person. I mean you've all seen how vacant my apartment is, if I truly cared I would spend money and fully decorate but why? I have what I need to survive and I am content with that much. A family....perhaps, some day in the future. Not ready or interested now. Although, I would love to adopt one day. A career is nice but I do not want it to be my world. Of course, I know what I truly want but I am not going to tell you :-p. I am just going to work on making it happen whilst it lands softly on my shoulder.

This coming year shall be awesome! Why? Because I said so.

Wishing everyone a great, healthy and happy new decade!

Fruitfulness

2009-12-25T12:53:00.003-05:00

make it up to me

by completely vanishing

i am now happy

-cds

New York, Oh How I Love Thee

2009-12-17T22:45:00.005-05:00

Today was a blistering cold day. Just like that, 5 days before the official start of Winter, it has arrived. I wrapped myself like a burrito in preparation for a day in the Big Apple aka la manzana grande for all of my Latin friends. Ventured off to enjoy the Tim Burton exhibit at the MoMA. My first time back there since the Jackson Pollock exhibit in 1999. So, it's been about a decade and after 2 years of renovations in the early 2000's I suppose you could say it still looks like...well, an art museum. ;-). Anyway, I'm not here to write about art, as I may not speak of it justly. I will however mention that I enjoyed the Tim Burton exhibit. It was everything I expected. What I didn't expect was the IMMENSE crowd at 1115 on a Thursday afternoon. I mean, don't people have jobs? I don't but I'm special. It was so crowded that I felt like I was on the subway being groped. Okay, not that crowded but crowded enough that I felt claustrophobic and like breaking kneecaps so that people would get out of my way so I could just use them as part of the carpet to move along merrily. There were lots of foreigners at the museum and I barely heard English being spoken, which made me feel like a foreigner and I was tempted to speak in my horrible brogue for shits and giggles but I did not want to embarrass my friend. I was not in the mood to be scolded as her wrath is like no other.

Back to good ole New York - I will start with NYC subways. WTF?! I felt like I was in a can of sardines where BO and bad breath seemed to be the norm. I am no longer a frequent traveler on the subway as I live in a different county, however, I am aware of the constant price increases to travel via mass transit and what I experienced today was not worth an increase as the service was horrendous! We rode on the 1 train to 96th street to transfer to the 2 train. We waited on the platform for 37 minutes for a 2 train as seven more 1 trains and five 3 trains arrived and departed. 37 MINUTES!!!! 37 minutes at 1330 in the afternoon! Not necessarily rush hour but also, not the middle of the night when 37 minutes is acceptable! Being that seven 1 trains and five 3 trains had arrived and departed at that point, the platform filled with more and more commuters who waited patiently for this bloody 2 train. Now we felt that we had competition to make sure there was room for us on this train should it ever arrive.

The crowds, the waiting, the BO and bad breaths, the pushing, the shoving, the attitudes, the groping and the constant struggle for personal space led me to a very important decision. If I find employment in NYC, I will absolutely, positively, definitely have to move to NYC. I would rather pay more in rent and ride my bike or walk or blade or FLY (yes, I like to pretend I can fly) to work then take the subway and feel severely constricted and violated.

That being said, after I finally reached home 2 long subway rides and 1 car ride later, I calmed down and reviewed my day. I had come to yet another decision! Who would have thought I'd be so decisive in one day as I struggle with decisions every other? I decided that New York City is an amazing city like no other! Where else will you feel like you are a foreigner in your own country while at a museum exhibit? Where else do you get to enjoy the scents of others in such close proximity that it makes you sick to your stomach and want to lose your mind? Where else do you get to grope people for free? Where else do you get to walk down the street and inhale the scents of hot dogs, halal meats, car exhaust and cigarette smoke all at the same time? Where else can you buy fruit and vegetables on a street corner 24 hours a day? Where else can you enjoy a rat infested, semi-clean, semi-efficient transit system all day and night to anywhere in 4 out of the 5 boroughs for only $2.25? Where else do you have the privilege to enjoy a variety of cuisines until after midnight any night of the week? Where else can you enjoy a multitude of friends from all over the world and live as one? Nowhere my friends. Nowhere.

New York City, oh how I love thee.

Note: Friends, please feel free to share your joyous and/or not so glamorous NY moments. I would love to read about them.

You and I

2009-12-15T10:22:00.008-05:00

You and I - Ingrid Michaelson

don't you worry, there my honey
we might not have any money
but we've got our love to pay the bills

maybe I think you're cute and funny,
maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you,
if you know what I mean

Oh, let's get rich and buy our parents homes in the South of France
let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters
and teach them how to dance
let's get rich and build our house on a mountain
making everybody look like ants
from way up there, you and I, you and I

well you might be a bit confused
and you might be a little bit bruised
but baby how we spoon like no one else
so I will help you read those books

if you will soothe my worried looks
and we will put the lonesome on the shelf

oh let’s get rich and buy our parents homes in the South of France
let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters
and teach them how to dance
let's get rich and build our house on a mountain
making everybody look like ants
from way up there you and I, you and I

oh, let’s get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters
and teach them how to dance
let's get rich and build our house on a mountain
making everybody look like ants
from way up there you and I, you and I

High Line Park

2009-12-13T21:35:00.003-05:00

Only in NYC can one bask in the beauty of a park built on old elevated railroad tracks while looking down at the glowing lights from the traffic.

photos by c. dejesus

Baby Steps

2009-12-11T01:38:00.001-05:00

We take steps in our every day lives to move on towards the next task or project. Sometimes we are able to take giant leaps, while more often than not we are only able to take baby steps. It can be frustrating but necessary. Sometimes we need a wake up call to get us going leaving denial behind. We all know what is good for us, yet we all make mistakes and sometimes follow unhealthy patterns. Each step we take is very important as it leads to the next because most steps cannot be taken back. How big does the pile of dung have to get before we wake up? Why do we allow the load to build up, getting heavier and heavier as time goes by? How can we erase happy memories that lead to a depressing present? If life is only full of temporary moments of grace and happiness eventually leading to nothing, then what is the point? Lessons learned? How many times do we have to learn similar lessons before we get them right, before they stop being taught? Just make them go away. I am tired of learning. I am tired of caring. I am tired of forgiving. I am tired of feeling. I am tired of resentment. I am tired of memories, I wish I could flush them down a drain never to return again. I am tired conveniences. I am tired of sadness. I am tired of trying to please people. I am tired of lacking courage. I am tired of baby steps. I want to leap across the earth without looking back.

Memoirs of a Lost Soul

2009-12-04T09:10:00.001-05:00

In the middle of the day you realize you are your only friend. The ever pounding silence filling the room. The constant reminder of emptiness. The internal clock of infinite sadness reaches out to you like no other. You try to drown away those feelings with false occupations of nothingness. The heart beats like a steady drum but there is no one there to listen. It will slowly die away and wither like the leaves on an Autumn tree. But unlike the tree this heart will never make it to Spring.

Thank you Roy

2009-10-21T21:14:00.002-04:00

As I sat in class this evening, minding my own business, preparing for my presentation, Roy yells out my name. "Hey Chas! Do you have a knife?" As he struggles to open a cellophane wrapper. So I responded, "Are you asking me because I'm Puerto Rican......(classmates AND professor are laughing out loud).... because there are 15 other people here you could have asked?" Roy, "No, no, no, no, I just wanted to know if you had a knife," as he chuckles. With a jokingly annoyed look I respond, "No Roy, just because I am PR doesn't mean I carry around knives!!" He continues to struggle and then it dawned on me... I DID have a knife with me today! A butter knife for the dinner I packed. So wanting to be helpful, I admitted in front of everyone as I pulled out a knife, "Actualllyyyy (Roy's favorite word), I DO have a knife." More laughter and now the stereotype lives on.

Thank you Roy!

Food Stamps for Rock Stars

2009-09-27T12:42:00.001-04:00

I don't know where to begin... well for starters about two weeks ago I did my usual rollerblading with Mary on the Bronx River Parkway. That was fun for me as usual and not fun for Mary as usual. But she's such a trooper! She comes with me even though she LOATHES it! Kudos for Mary! It sucks that today is raining as it is the last Sunday the BRP will be closed for the season. I mourn.

That day we saw a sign for an open house and Mary was intrigued and I'm easily influenced so we decided to go. I missed the turn, pulled into a church parking lot to turn around. I saw a group of people with shirts that read "Yonkers Bike Club". I was sooooo intrigued. Mary was soooo happy too! Why? Well because if I join a club that meets on Sunday's then Mary doesn't have to blade with me anymore. Get it? Good. Of course, she encouraged me to go speak to them. She even offered to speak to them for me. I parked and we both went. 2 minutes later I was part of a club. I was very excited! Long story short - I'm not part of a bike club. The president did not answer my last two emails and I have no other way of contacting them to find out where they meet. Excitement gone.

To continue on that day, we then moved on to our open house dressed like two hobos... well, like two sweaty ladies that just finished blading - not a good first impression. The realtor pretty much patronized us the entire time (at least that's how I felt) but either way it was cool walking through the home that had a heated indoor pool and beautiful green house! It also had a powered chair for stairs from the garage to the first floor - how cool is that?! Lazy people of America unite! The home was owned by an elderly couple as evidenced by the powered chair for stairs, lots of floral wall paper throughout and 70s style linoleum floors (me thinks). BUT did I mention it had a super cool INDOOR heated lap pool and a beautiful green house?!!!

Moving on... later that week I had to go to a homeless shelter as part of my clinical rotation for psych. TOTALLY uneventful day but I did get an offer.

As I sat and ate my sliced red bell peppers and carrots with hummus one of the workers stared at me wide-eyed and said, "Is THAT all you're eating? What is that?!" referring to the hummus.

So I told him and he then exclaimed, "Where is the MEAT?!" So I said, "Well, I do not need meat with this meal as the hummus is my source of protein." I sounded as lame as ever.

He then continued on to, "Aye yai yai, no, no, you want me to buy you some lunch? I mean, look you have no meat there! I can get you something. Some meat. You need meat!" with a very concerned look on his face.

This dude was serious. Did I also mention that he was overweight and apparently loves meat?

I said, "That's really kind of you but really I'm okay. It's a healthy meal and I eat every three hours. This is perfectly proportioned for now." Sounded really lame again.

He didn't look convinced. He then went on to say, very, very kindly and very concerned, "You know you're a student and you can get help. You can get food stamps. We have the application here. Don't be ashamed. It's okay. I can help you fill it out if you want or you can come back whenever and I'll help you. You can get up to $200 a month as an unemployed student."

I thought about it for a second thinking, WOW, $200 for food! That would be GREAT! I mean, I spend $400 a month on average as a single, unemployed person. WOW, $200!! So I responded not wanting to offend his generous offer, "That sounds like a really great idea. Let me think about it. I'm definitely not embarrassed. That sounds really helpful. I'll get back to you on that."

He said not convinced that I was taking him seriously, "Okay, don't be embarrassed. We all need help sometimes. You can come back another day and we can do it."

So yea, this was our conversation in front of my professor, 4 other workers there and some of their clients. Private? I think not! So as intriguing and tempting as that offer sounded, I would not have accepted for a few reasons:

I have been eating healthier this year than my whole life. My body feels great, I have more energy (b/c this is what I need) and it helps my mood, so getting food stamps to afford meat isn't my top priority.
I have never accepted help from anyone and have always taken care of myself, which leads to...
Feeling embarrassed at the idea of admitting I could potentially use help.

That was the most exciting part of that experience.

The following week I started working again with the girls. These girls are great! Their parents are doing a wonderful job. They are beautiful, smart, funny and fun to be around. I had not seen them all summer. I knew this would happen.... but it was confirmed when I saw them last week. The 11 year old had grown taller than me over the summer. I mean I'm pretty tall, so this just makes her a giant!

Then something great happened! MUSE & U2! They were both so electrifying, energetic, and great entertainers! I WANT TO BE A ROCK STAR! I WANT TO BE A ROCK STAR! I WANT TO BE A ROCK STAR!

Coconut Madness

2009-09-17T22:07:00.003-04:00

Here is something for you chocolate and coconut lovers!

Smoothie of the Week - Choco-coco Madness
*Serving size: 1

1 ripe banana
2-3 oz of coconut milk
2-3 tbsp of melted dark chocolate (70% and over is considered MUFA)
2 oz of water
4 cubes of ice

Blend and serve immediately.

Remember to use coconut milk sparingly as it is high in fat and not the good kind.

Nutritional Facts for 1 oz of coconut milk:
Calories: 64 (calories from fat 56)
Total Fat: 7g (saturated fat 6g)

Smoothie of the Week

2009-09-10T22:11:00.000-04:00

Here is a simple, quick, tropical delight for your palate. I mean who doesn't like mangoes, pineapples and bananas?! Well besides Marybelle, who for some reason doesn't like bananas... weirdo.

Anyway, here are two versions to this week's smoothie. One is viscous and one is not - depending on your preference, you have a healthy choice either way.

Viscous Mango, Pineapple & Banana Smoothie
Serving size: 1-2

1 ripe banana*
1/2 mango or 3-4 tablespoons of frozen mango*
2-3 slices of fresh pineapple or 2-3 tablespoons of frozen pineapple*
4 oz of fat-free or 1% milk**
1/2 cup of ice

Blend and serve immediately.

Regular Mango, Pineapple & Banana Smoothie
Serving size: 1-2

1/2 ripe banana*
1/2 mango or 3-4 tablespoons of frozen mango*
2-3 slices of fresh pineapple or 2-3 tablespoons of frozen pineapple chunks*
6 oz of Orange Juice
1/2 cup of ice

Blend and serve immediately.

*Adjust portions according to your palate.
**Use whatever milk you prefer. For a splash of another flavor - use coconut milk. Keep in mind that coconut milk is very high in fat. However, you can add half fat-free milk and half coconut milk (2 oz each).

Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Dad

2009-09-08T00:42:00.003-04:00

Dad, you would have been 53 years old today and oh how you are missed. I miss your smile, your laugh, your sense of humor, your kindness, your love, your patience, your comfort. I miss you dad.

I wonder each day if my life would be different had you been around longer. I am so sorry you had to go. However, I do know you are always with me. Always in my heart. Always by my side in a different way.

You were always so cool in my eyes. I remember our walks to the park together. I remember challenging you on the swing bars. I was such a tomboy and so competitive thinking I could be better than you dad with my stick arms. Ha!

I remember visiting every weekend. Each night we would sit on that twin sized bed, eat cereal and watch the honeymooners and the odd couple before bed. I remember asking you to teach me how to whistle and do the belly roll just like you! I was always unsuccessful. You were the whistling, belly roll master. To this day I secretly still try to do the belly roll and whistle like you. Still unsuccessful. Sigh.

I wish you were still around dad. I wish you were around to see me grow into adulthood, around to hear my stories, around to talk to, around to possibly walk me down the aisle one day, i just wish you were around.

You will always be remembered, always be loved and always be cherished.

RIP Dad

September 8, 1956 - January 13, 1996

Smoothie of the Week

2009-09-04T16:06:00.008-04:00

For those looking for flatter bellies, consider adding more MUFA (monounsaturated fatty acids) to your diet. Studies have proven that people who consume a diet high in MUFA, also referred to as a "Mediterranean-like" diet are at a lower risk for heart disease. According to a study that appeared in Diabetes Care, a journal published by the American Diabetes Association, a diet rich in monounsaturated fats (MUFA) may help reduce abdominal fat better than a carbohydrate rich diet.

Healthy Smoothie of the Week*

½ cup fat-free milk**
½ cup fat-free plain yogurt (you can leave this out and you will still have a great tasting smoothie minus the probiotics)
2 Tbsp creamy natural unsalted peanut butter OR almond butter (MUFA)
¼-½ apple

¼ very ripe banana
1 Tbsp honey
4 ice cubes

Combine the milk, yogurt, peanut butter or almond butter, banana, honey, and ice cubes in a blender. Process until smooth. Pour into a tall glass and serve.

This smoothie is a great source of protein, carbohydrates, fiber, probiotics with a healthy amount of sodium, fat and cholesterol. As with all meals, moderation is key. Exercise along with a balanced diet is the secret to a healthy body. Make exercise and healthy eating a part of your lifestyle, not just a diet. Studies show that people who view healthy living as part of their lifestyle and not a chore are more likely to stick to it and achieve their goals.

*Gluten free

**For those that are lactose intolerant and dislike the chalky taste that most lactose free milks have to offer - try Smart Balance Lactose-Free, Fat-Free Milk (the purple and white carton). It contains omega-3, vitamin E, 20% more calcium and protein than whole milk and only 5mg of cholesterol.

***Disclaimer: I am not a nutritionist. Follow advice at your own risk.

What are some foods that are MUFA rich?
Almonds
Avocado
Dark or Semi-Sweet Chocolate
Flaxseed Oil
Macadamia Nuts
Natural Peanut Butter
Olive Oil
~~Olive oil is the best all around for cooking and salads because it contains mostly MUFA, which lowers "bad" LDL cholesterol without affecting "good" HDL cholesterol. The greener the oil, the more antioxidants, so go for extra-virgin. KEEP IN MIND that ONE tablespoon of olive oil contains approximately 90-119 calories.
Pistachios
Sunflower Seeds
Walnuts

Click here for some simple MUFA recipes from Prevention.com

just tired...

2009-09-03T21:50:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is the end of the second week of the semester and I feel numb. It's as if it's not really happening. I've never felt such a sense of confusion. Is it me? Is it the lack of clarity in each class? Is it a combination of both?

I do not like this feeling and I wish it would go away. I want to this to end peacefully and move on.

Signed,
"nummified"

This Year's Love

2009-09-03T21:12:00.002-04:00

Song of the Day

This Year's Love - David Gray

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last

So who's to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

Wishlist - Song of the Week

2009-08-27T15:29:00.005-04:00

I have decided to start a song of the week or day depending on my mood. Especially, since Facebook has decided not to post my awesome thoughts to the world (my small, small world).

For this week I have chosen "Wishlist" by Pearl Jam. Let's all try to live by these words this week and maybe for longer if you decide to, "I wish I was the verb 'to trust' and never let you down".

Rock on and Enjoy!

Lyrics & Link so you can sing along - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r01YiEgNa0

I wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off

I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on

I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on

The Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top

I wish I was the evidence, I wish I was the grounds

For 50 million hands upraised and open toward the sky

I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me

I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me

I wish I was a messenger and all the news was good

I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro's hood

I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun

I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on

I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on

I wish I was the verb 'to trust' and never let you down

I wish I was a radio song, the one that you turned up

I wish...

Imagine...

2009-08-26T22:47:00.010-04:00

We all have friends and acquaintances in our world. Some friends leave lasting impressions even though they are no longer around or are far from reach. Some friends leave lasting impressions each day of our lives. These friends are truly great. Other friends are more like acquaintances yet we call them friends. What stops them from becoming true friends? What separates them from graduating to that next level?

How about those friends that you wish were more than just friends? The ones you would like to be passionate with or the ones you would just like to be best friends with - someone you can trust with your deepest darkest secrets. Why can't one person be both? I mean they can but why is it so hard?

I like to imagine a world less complicated, generous, liberal and free-spirited. This of course is unfortunately not reality but perhaps for just ONE day this can be my reality.

"Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one"
~The great, late John Lennon

So where is the passion when you need it the most?

2009-08-25T16:26:00.007-04:00

I always sighed and changed the station whenever Daniel Powter's song "Bad Day" was playing. One day I decided to give it a chance probably due to the fact that it was the lesser of two evils playing on the radio at the moment.

Once I heard these words - "So where is the passion when you need it the most?" I was hooked. I thought, "Wow! I couldn't have said it better."

For quite a while my Gorda and I enjoyed those very lyrics and would sing them at the top of our lungs while driving to whatever destination was in store for us.

The title of this blog says it all.

Signed,
the magic is lost

Migraines = Bizarre Dreams?

2009-08-19T11:05:00.005-04:00

Hello Anyone,

I have been meaning to start a blog for quite sometime but I was not sure I really had anything interesting to post. However, I feel that this may be quite cathartic which is probably why blogs are all the rave. Let's give it a shot!

This year has been, well, interesting and full of transitions to say the least. It started out as something that should have been the beginning of a new chapter in my life as "we" and quickly started out as a new chapter in my life as "I". A very much needed change so I cannot complain. Sad, hard to deal with initially but I quickly realized how important it was to close that chapter and start a new one. Separation anxiety kicks in, you panic, you want what you can't have but then you come to your senses, relax, breathe, enjoy life again and it all seems worth it.

The past few weeks have been full of constant transitions, constantly "on the go" - meeting new friends, catching up with friends and family. The simple things in life that I never get to do during the semester. It's been great!

But now I long for some "me" time. I had a taste of that on my short trip to Puerto Rico this summer. A trip that was last minute, very much needed, very much deserved and very much enjoyed. I can also honestly say that this summer has been one of the most fabulous with minimal stress. I love my friends and family soooooo much. They always know how to make me laugh, cheer me up, poke fun at me and be there for me at just the right times. Perhaps, I will write a blog on each and every one of my friends on what makes them special, annoying, and lovable to me! hmm.... this could be interesting. ;-)

As my summer vacation comes to an end, I can feel the cortisol running through my veins, increased pressure, increased stress, running around with last minute visits (last minute but very important!), last minute preparations, last minutes of fun without worrying about studying, these last precious moments that seem to be disappearing right before my eyes as I try to catch up but...but... it's just out of reach. Impossible. I did not and will not be able to accomplish the 1,983,210 things on my imaginery "to do" list. All these thoughts running through my head. Ideas about this and that. Thoughts about... well.

All these thoughts have led to what is now a 4 day migraine and still kicking. The interesting thing about migraines is that they lead to bizarre, comical (to me at least) dreams.

-- So, I am staring out of my living room window and suddenly see a small flying object. Some might call it a UFO. Since, yes, it was unidentified and I am on the 9th floor - I though no remote controlled plane could fly that far up or could they? I don't know. But this didn't seem like a toy at all. Very high tech, looked like it had a mind of its own. Probably about 9X5X2, oval, silver, very shiny and very fast! I'm watching it and it looks like it's coming right at me and then "CRASH" flies right through my window. Now it's flying all around my living room in an almost attacking mode. So I try to grab it and the sucker is fast. Real fast but "A-HA!" gotcha sucker and then it emits a green colored gas (just like in the movies, I know!). I suddenly feel light headed and quickly think "Oh crap, this IS attacking me but wtf is going on!?!" I grab Tiger and my car keys frantically and head out and yes, I locked my door. Why? Who knows. I am a New Yorker - can't break habits even in my dreams as I run for my life from a crazy, robotic UFO thingamajiggy. Sigh.

I am now running down 9 flights of stairs rushing to my car. I walk outside, it's gloomy. I feel a sense of impending doom. I get in the car with Tiger thinking "oh crap, he's loose and will hopefully not freak out causing me to crash." I drive a couple of blocks down and realize there are UFOs everywhere, of ALL sizes ANNNDD they are destroying our city and just building right over it taking down whatever and whoever is in their way. Suddenly, I am driving up a ramp in to this "new" city that is still being created and I see cars ahead of me, to the left and right of me just being destroyed as the building continues. These UFOs are in control but what are they?! Is someone controlling them? Do they have minds of their own? I finally can't drive any further because I am in some sort of complex so I conveniently park my car in a shadowed area between a staircase and a wall. It felt safe, you know, whatever. So I Leave the windows cracked for Tiger and then lock my doors (sigh) as I walk around hoping not to get trampled by these enormous unidentified building machines.

I see other people running and walking around confused. Pure chaos but of course I find a small room about the size of a mini walk-in closet with 3 other women in there deciding how to fight these things, how to survive, deciding our next step? I knew two of the women in the dream. They were happy to see me. I told them I had my car parked not too far from them but wasn't sure how we could escape. The third woman I did not know. Young with a pale complexion, dark-short hair, fit in a tank and jeans.

She then puts her face very close to mine and says, "Hello."
Confused and uncomfortable as she is in my personal space I say, "Heelloo?"
Before I finish speaking she is pressing her right hand in a downward motion from my belly to my.... well, I am frantically trying to wiggle my way away from her but we are in this very tight room. So there it is - pure chaos and confusion and here I am being molested. I somehow managed to escape that craziness and get back to my car when all of a sudden Nancy is with me in the car.

I tell her we have to go back to the apartment to pick up my cell phone so we can call others and find out what is going on. We also need to pick up food and water for Tiger, of course! We are all of a sudden back at my apartment inching ourselves in slowly so as to not be attacked by the crazy saucer UFO I left behind. We are fully inside and no sign of the thingamajiggy. Hmm... when all of a sudden it comes flying straight towards my face and I whacked it so hard it crashed and "died" on my wall. This "thing" wasn't purely a machine it had guts! Weird green bug-shaped like guts with minimal computer parts! What is this thing?! What is going on?! I find my cell and all of a sudden I hear Maury Povich coming from the television yelling "HE IS NOT THE FATHER OF JOE, JR!" and the crowd goes mad as I wake up and realize Maury Povich is on the telly as I passed out on the couch this morning.

I did not take drugs for the migraine my dear friends. This was all natural.

I hope you enjoyed my first blog or enjoyed a nap because of it. :0)